To Like or Not to Like

 

To LIKE or NOT to LIKE
THAT IS THE QUESTION!
By Jim “Gymbeaux” Brown, November 23, 2023

There is no easy way to discuss this without hurting the “feelings” of those who this Nugget may be referring to or who might think it refers to them.  In almost all things, honesty is the best policy except when as when Tucker Carlson described honesty should probably be withheld in favor of what is best for social behavior. Tucker went on to further describe lying to someone about being overweight when they ask, “do I look fat in this dress?”  Are you going to be honest with the person or are you going to formulate a reply to avoid directly answering the question?  As dumb as the following may sound to you, I attended a class while serving in the Coast Guard and the class was designed to help all the men in the Coast Guard adapt to the new policy of allowing women to serve on active duty.  One of the examples as I remember it (the class was given in the 1970s) was that you were never supposed to say, “you look beautiful in that dress.”  Instead, you were supposed to say, “you do wonders for that dress.”  It all comes down to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  But like the quote, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, trying to define what IS and what IS NOT acceptable is left to the “eye of the beholder”.  Good luck with that one.  In 2023, nothing seems to be acceptable to anyone! 

What prompted me to write this Nugget?  It’s simple, but first let me describe who I am.  I am a 78-year-old white male who, except for the age, might be the type of person, male or female, a much younger person might come face to face with on a job interview.  I have my beliefs just as everyone else, including you, the reader has.  The problem is that when a younger person violates what I believe in, it could cost that younger person the job they are interviewing for.  As an example, I have very limited tolerance for anyone that comes to me with a question or as stated above, a job interview, who DOES NOT TURN THEIR PHONE OFF BEFORE WE ENGAGE IN OUR CONVERSATION.  Maybe it’s an age thing, but just maybe it is the right thing to do.  

Back to the title of this Nugget, to LIKE or NOT to LIKE.  I’ll ask a very simple question.  Have you engaged in a conversation with a young person who interjects into their every sentence the word “like?”  I have, and to me, after the third or fourth “like” in just one sentence, it is similar to someone scratching their fingernails on the old fashioned blackboards that we once had in every classroom as I grew up.  Constantly hearing the word “like” WAS AGGRAVATING AT FIRST, THEN GREW INTO A TOTAL ANNOYANCE!  I mentally began to count the number of times “like” was used. 

The same applies to beginning a sentence with the word “so.”  The words, “like” and “so”,  add nothing,  zero, to the conversation.  In fact. using such words to start a sentence such as “so” and interjecting “like” every so often, or the phrase, “you know” or constantly seeking agreement by using the words “right” or “ok”, throughout your conversation is a total turn off, at least for me it is.  Maybe you have different feelings about this than I do but I can assure you that whenever you are engaged in a conversation or interview where YOU are looking to gain some type of agreement with the person you are talking to, YOU DO NOT want to have strike one called on you before you even begin.  If you were interviewing with me or someone like me, or seeking my agreement on a project, using such useless words in your spoken language is definitely “strike one” against you.  Repeating the process could easily turn into strike two or even strike three – you’re out!  You will either have failed at the job interview or failed at getting me to accept your idea or project.  Your idea or your project may have been a good one but I would have been so distracted at how you presented your idea, your project or you, that I lost interest in the conversation.  Is that what you want?  Of course not!  Here’s a better question.  If you sat down at your computer to write a letter, would you begin your sentences with “so” or would you insert “like”, “you know”, “right” or “ok?” several times in your typed or handwritten letter?  NO, you wouldn’t, therefore why do you do in when you speak? 

From the Internet:  None other than George Orwell. Sixty years ago, George Orwell wrote, “A bad usage can spread by tradition and imitation, even among people who should and do know better.” Although he was taking aim at writers, his saying bears more harshly on orators, whose real-timeliness makes crutch-words (I add, such as “so”, "like", “you know” and "right") futile and cannot fluster the tucked-away typist. One must always be on guard against these catchy habits of speech. After all, what else could the use of a verbal crutch signify other than a limping tongue?  You can read the entire discussion of this on the Yale News on the internet at:  https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2011/01/25/moretti-whats-wrong-with-right/ 

While on the subject, have you ever attended a class or had a discussion with someone who looks down at their watch?   Maybe you just ignored the look but a lot of people, me included, would have first thought that this person has somewhere else they need to be and they were not interested in maintaining our conversation/class.  I would teach my real estate agents that whenever meeting with a probable buyer or seller, they should leave their watch on their desk or in their car, leave it somewhere where they would never be tempted to look at an incoming call or message so as not to send a disinterested signal to the buyers or sellers.  This same principle applies to job interviews or anytime you are presenting an idea or project to your supervisor or employer.   NEVER LOOK AT YOUR WATCH DURING IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS OR PRESENTATIONS – EVER! 

Using this same principle, LEAVE YOUR PHONE IN YOUR CAR OR ON YOUR DESK for all the same reasons!  If you don’t have your phone with you, you can’t possibly be distracted by looking at it or worse, answering it.  And for God’s sake, take the ear buds out of your ears.  Have you ever started to talk to someone who you thought was talking to you only to discover they were talking to someone on their phone via their ear buds?  Rude does not do this justice!

FOUL LANGUAGE!  Contrary to what you might think, I am NOT going to say that vulgarity is never acceptable.  On the contrary, there are times when I believe that vulgar language is the only language that may actually get through to the person you are conversing with.  However, those times should be few and far between.  In everyday conversations, foul language should be avoided at all costs because once it becomes customary, it is impossible to keep it from sneaking into a conversation where its used could prove to be disastrous to your desired outcome. 

I have conducted a lot of job interviews where I was the potential employer.  I would ask the candidate the obvious questions such as “how did you hear about our company?”  Or, “what do you know about our company?”  Such questions are pretty routine and most interviewers ask them to every candidate.  People who conduct in depth interviews want to know more about the personal side of the job candidate and may ask some of the questions that I often times asked, just to get the candidate talking. Just like in a sales call, you can conclude far more success in selling IF you (1) get the customer to talk and (2), YOU actually listen to what they say!  If the candidate included the useless words described above, I had to ask the question as to whether this was a person who would advance our brand or detract from it?  What kind of questions did I ask?  Here they are including the “killer question” which is the last question on the list.  

As you begin to read these questions, think about what I have written above.  If you are like most people, you will probably be formulating answers to the questions as you read them.  When you format your “mental” response, are you inserting “so”, “like”, “you know”, “right?” or any of the other needless words including vulgarity?  I seriously doubt it.  Here’s the rule!  

IF YOU WON’T USE THE LANGUAGE IN ANYTHING YOU WRITE ABOUT,
DON’T USE IT IN ANYTHING YOU TALK ABOUT! 

Tell me the funniest thing that has ever happened to you.  I doubt that I would want anyone without a sense of humor, on the other hand if the funniest thing involves drugs, alcohol or breaking the law, those things would work against them for sure. 

What was the last book you read?  What made you read it?  If the statistics are correct, 95% of the population do not read any books.  If you want people on your team or in your company who are “learning based”, you want people who read, especially who read material on self-improvement or improvement of job-related skills. 

What are some of your hobbies?  You want well-rounded team members who have a life beyond the workplace.  It’s just good for the team member to have diversified interests outside of the workplace. 

Did you graduate from High School or did you graduate from College or attend college?  If you attended college, what did you major in?  This goes back to wanting “learning based” individuals on your team or in your company. 

You get the idea; you want the job applicant to talk about themselves as much as possible AND YOU LISTEN TO THEIR ANSWERS.  

Then I would ask the killer question:  What one thing aside from an income do you want for this company to be able to solve for you or help you reach a personal goal?  The answers say a lot about motivation, goals and ambitions.