I DID NOT SAY...

 

I DID NOT SAY WHAT YOU THOUGHT I SAID BUT I DID SAY WHAT I KNOW I SAID EVEN THOUGH YOU DENY THAT I SAID WHAT I KNOW WHAT I SAID AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT I SAID!

By Jim “Gymbeaux” Brown, August 11, 2022

It amazes me how people interpret not only what I say, but also, what everyone thinks I say, all the while thinking they know with certainty what was said and what was meant by everyone who spoke.  Don’t ask me to say that again, I KNOW what I meant! Take for example the following very simple sentence.  As you read it, give SERIOUS consideration to the word that is EMBOLDENED in each sentence and how it changes the meaning or the intent of what was said.  Before you read the sentences, read them as if you were a television news announcer on the evening news.  Then consider how by simply placing emphasis on a different word each time you read the sentence, you change the meaning without changing the wording.  The ONLY thing that changes is where you, the announcer, placed YOUR emphasis as determined by YOU the announcer.  Ready?  Let’s go.  Read the following sentence either out loud or to yourself but it has a much greater impact if you read it out loud and read it to someone not familiar with what you are going to say or why you are saying it.

I DID NOT SAY I STOLE THE MONEY

If you read that WITHOUT placing emphasis on any of the words, that is GREAT!  Now read the same sentence but this time place audible emphasis on the emboldened word each time you read the exact same EIGHT words.

I did not say I stole the money (someone else may have said that but I didn’t)

I DID not say I stole the money (I definitely spoke words)

I did NOT say I stole the money (No way did I say it)

I did not SAY I stole the money (I did not speak those words you thought you may have heard)

I did not say I stole the money (Someone else probably stole the money)

I did not say I STOLE the money (I may have borrowed it, but I never STOLE it)

I did not say I stole THE money (Certainly NOT the money in your hand, other money? Maybe!)

I did not say I stole the MONEY (I may have taken a lot of stuff, but not the MONEY)

Words definitely have meaning but so does the WAY and you EMPHASZE a word or words each time  you say it.  What YOU thought you may have said may be entirely different than the way someone interprets what you said as demonstrated above.  Is it possible that you may wonder how you got into an argument with someone like a spouse or significant other (hate that phrase) when you thought you were both on the same page?  It could have been initiated by placing your emphasis on just one word of a sentence that you thought you both agreed on.  Oftentimes you have no idea that you unconsciously emphasized a word or two.  Is it possible that this could lead to arguments and misunderstandings.

Consider a teacher in a classroom who by all acceptable standards, teaches the curriculum that was thoroughly thought out.  Do you realize how difficult a task that is when by placing emphasis on the wrong word changes the lesson the teacher is trying to convey to the students?

I spent over 33 years in real estate sales, mostly as a trainer.  Similar sentences like the ones listed above were part of a training class I taught my agents on how to become effective speakers AND more importantly an EFFECTIVE LISTENERS. Effective Listening was the name of the course.  If you are doing a presentation or teaching a class, you must practice what you are going to say BEFORE you say it to your class or your customer.  It is even better if you record what you are going to say and then play it back to insure WHAT you are saying is WHAT you want the listener/student/customer to HEAR AND UNDERSTAND!  If you actually record your practice session, I can guarantee you that your first reaction will be, do I really sound like that? Or worse, do I really sound that bad?  Is it possible that you lost the sale because you really do sound that bad?

Here is an example.  You are working with a homebuyer who is buying a home on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. Just about every location on the Coast, the homes ARE subject to POTENTIAL flooding.  In some areas, certainly not all, Flood Insurance is NOT required.  In other areas, it is a requirement placed on the sale by a mortgage company IF there is a mortgage on a home.  The requirement is mandated by the mortgage company not the law of the land.  Therefore, if there is no mortgage, flood insurance is NOT required no matter where the home is located.  Here is the key element in what I have just said.  If you, the homebuyer, decide NOT to get flood insurance that is YOUR decision.  But if a NAMED STORM enters the Gulf of Mexico, or you just decide to purchase Flood Insurance, you will have to wait 30 days before it can become effective. 

The above example took a lot of words to convey but the LAST EIGHT words were the most important of all and that is where YOU should place the emphasis of your presentation.  If YOU were a REALTOR® and made the above presentation, you could find yourself in legal jeopardy when a homebuyer decides NOT to purchase Flood Insurance when they could have and then tries to do so when a hurricane begins to form in the Gulf of Mexico.  Then your homebuyer discovers that the home is not going to be protected against flooding for 30 days and the homebuyer insists YOU never told them of this restriction.  Words mean things and they can be costly when you fail to convey what needs to be said.  It is also incumbent upon YOU to make certain that the person you are talking to, wither that person is a spouse, a child, a customer or an opponent, fully understands what you intended for them to know and understand.  You can do this by simply asking them if they understand and even better, repeat it to you.  If you are in sales, the ONLY way to protect yourself against such a misunderstanding would be to get their agreement in writing and then have them sign that they understand.

As if on cue, I watched the afternoon news to catch up on severe weather heading our way.  Before the weather, the news broadcaster discussed a “news” story about Elon Musk and she said, “Elon Musk GOT RID OF his Tesla stock.”  Words mean things and the use of these words were unfortunate.  When you hear the words GOT RID OF what did you think?  What if the announcer had simply said “Elon Musk sold his Tesla stock.”  Would that have been a more correct statement in regards to his selling of the stock?  When she said GOT RID OF, I immediately thought that he was possibly GETTING RID of discriminating evidence.  He was not.  He was selling his stock in Tesla which was his right to do.  The announcer did nothing but read the news from the teleprompter that someone else had written.  Was the use of the words GOT RID OF, an intentionally placed phrase?  Maybe so, maybe not but it was used and it did influence the story in a negative way when it shouldn’t have.  As a result, hundreds if not thousands of people like me thought that Elon Musk was up to no good by GETTING RID OF his Tesla stock.  In the end, it really doesn’t matter if you KNOW what you SAID, it only matters what the other person HEARD or thought they HEARD what you said.  In this regard there is also an element of SELECTIVE HEARING being inserted into the conversation.  People tend to hear what they want to hear or they are expecting to hear and everything else is just a blur to them.  That is where having the other person repeat what you said back to you helps in the understanding process.

WORDS MEAN THINGS…BUT

THE WORDS YOU EMPHASIZE COULD MEAN EVEN MORE!